The better action

It is roughly 1,426 casual steps to that place
and I make no reservations about my intention to get there again.
Without it I would be reduced to nothing,
cut down to meaninglessness,
refined to the truth of what makes us: me.
There is a thing that,
however honest and revelatory,
is not something I am prepared to see.
Truth be, I would weigh against the world to hide from sapient eyes.
I can only fight so much though
and what a fight it is.
Not even the shadow of a "good fight"
but still,
I demand that my complexity be irreducible.
I refuse to embrace the harmful truth as it opposes my world view.
By refinement,
the view I built of my self,
the view that kept me warm when I had hands to small to heat me,
when the world was a new thing stretching out before me.
It was the fact that I developed about my self that gave the world a reason to be understood.
How could one so small as I not cower in fear and inaction
in absence of the elevated view of myself?
Without this purpose I derive from obscurity
I would be still there
in that room
still hugging myself for lack of better actions.