The come down

I wanted to be part of this.
I wanted to be part of anything.
When this came along I was fresh out of straws to grasp for.
I chose this fate and I embrace my choice.
No longer gasping for air.
No longer clawing at the sides of this coffin.
I roll to the side that suits me and I sleep.

home

I pass these days as a stranger in the house I built.
Slanted wall pressing in upon me.
No windows left to gaze from.
No soft breeze for them to cast in my direction.

self made man

"It's not that I don't trust you, I don't trust myself."
The old classic tale,
"It's not you, it's me."
It has become the easiest veneer to see through.
Let's be clear,
dreams don't come true.
You have to make them manifest,
and the best you had to offer always fell short of the test.
Granted,
you were never aware of the scrutinizing.
Granted,
you were just enjoying the time,
while I was demanding more of you,
silently,
inside my secret confines.
Just to make you feel a little better though
no one can live up to my standards.
Well,
no one but myself.
I overachieve my goals all the time.

head bob

First four letter words
before the fur flies
my mind hurts but
that's his not hers
for certain the sure thing
spurns more turns
but theocratic birds burn bridges
who is worse
break at the bent joint
artists never learn
wake up worn and short three dollars more
nothing left in the store front
counter point: shorn
quote the running joke
don't forget, return the nod.

I before Me

There is a sour taste lingering 
deep and elusive
so strong that I can't begin to describe.
For all of it's ambiguity
it has full range of my mobility.
Thoughtless it is steering me
toward more of it's kind.

It would be something akin to lying
if I told you I was unaffected
but the heart gets what the heart wants
and the body steers where the mind haunts.

External Forces

There is more to this.
There is more to me.
I may have missed what is there to see.
But deeper,
Deeper still I must go to uncover
anything there is to know.
Not only about my self but about the "me" at large.

I have been given a window.
Spent years repairing
Spent days recovering.
and now for lack of sunlight I am dying.

modern day growing pains

Slowly.
This dream became something that had already started.
As if licking some long forgotten food from the carpet.
Just past my reach I suppose,
but the trying doesn't hurt.
I suppose.
At least lying never stepped on your toes.
Show me where the wild goose goes.
"Eventually we all succumb to the growing groans."
I exasperate,
exaggeratedly flattering the fatigued failure with
vocal flatulence.

The Unblinking Eye

the camera doesn't know what it sees
but it records what it sees
it can't discern what lies behind the reticle
but when the trigger comes
"record"
that's what it does
it is cold
articulate
accurate
it knows nothing
it knows 'record'

another cold, hard one.

A word to the wise,
it's all in the lies
paralyzed by the lullabies.
Make cloudy, slowly darkening eyes
try not to sneak up behind,
but I'm finding this as it comes
hard line by line.

no one makes a fool of steve, but steve

seven years and several standard questions
didn't leave you any better
whether or not you noticed
I laid this all before you
and you left me bare
my need unborn by you
there you were
and there you stayed
delay yourself to find time for a solution
you have not fooled me
you have not fooled anyone
least of all
you have not fooled yourself

no change expected

Before we go any further
I need to clear the air
I knew this was a bad idea from the start
and i'm not really sure why you agreed with me to go ahead with it in the first place
but here we are
determined and undeterred
our back squarely against the wind
which, at first, seemed like a valuable thing
as we wind down at the top of this thing
a revelation of the lacking truthfulness is welling up
is there any stopping?
is there any point in pointing out?
if nothing changes
or can change
why bother addressing the problem?

Counterfeit Citizenship

Commonality can't compare to this collapsing center.
Separated circles continue beyond self.
Sure,
centralized citizenship is successful.
Despite the curtain
and it's certain serfdom.
Continue squirming before counting the certification.
Counterfeit crashing under couching simple gentrification.
Censorship, of sensory satisfaction, commenced your celibacy celebration.
Celestial tea, surrendered to celebrity.
Victory will only be achieved when you circumvent your enemies.

Civil Discussion

The redundant pundit punted.
His rebuttal was repugnant.
"but labels are learned,"
he flippantly squirmed.
Regarding reason a rugged bludgeon.

blanket statement

that cat can't grab a bat
flash back and catch flack
cabbage crammed trash bags
stand happily abandoned
black bandaged bandits ban brandishing brass bands
and sand reprimands bland man hands
understand sampled clams
sagging fans demand pan stands
that grandstanding flange rams tambourine champs
clandestine tramps clambering trampled traveling advocates
advance flanking banks frankly fakes
flaking steaks shakily break
making cranky cakes takes
blank bakery slaves baking baby blankets
safety staves mistakes

hippocratic hypocrisy

far back
broken back pack
falling from the smoke stack
folks learn to turn tears
into broken glass
half full
full stop
in the quickness to the top
doesn't take a rocket surgeon to see I'm dying from a heart attack
born on the bottom of civilization dog pack
Curling to the fetal pose like plumes from winter smoke stacks
vestigial vigilantes offer candles for my vigil
witches offer windows to the world inside this sigil
civil disobedience is different from emptiness
repeating things is meaningless unless you didn't mean to do it
thinking like extinction
leads to life without existence
this news, however needed
has never seen a printing
you had better choose your side
because you can lose without trying
but to truly win at anything
takes luck,
expense,
and dying.

New Policy

If you let him in once,
he will follow you home.
It's the residual heat
that really cools you to the bone.
Like the big league chew
on receiver of the phone.
Never give that dog a bone.

The colour of panic

I had a plan.
I thought everything out.
I had a plan.
It was so......
Careful.
I thought out so many different scenarios.
My contingencies were flawless.
My foresight was peerless.
I had a plan.
I left no room for wiggle.
I left no chance for chaos.
I had a plan.

But,

Reality didn't care about my plans.
Chaos doesn't care about contingencies.

three little words

These words we keep repeating
for they hold inherent meaning.
To that hope we go on clinging
but the truth continues stinging.
Though my courage may be fleeting
my back can take the beating.
I know the pain is just beginning
but a caged bird can't stop singing.

?!#$

Avalanches.
Avoid the aftermath.
Aggravated assault now readily available.
Coming Soon!
In a market near you.
Are the apertures in error
or is it others we ostracize?
Albeit my appetite has amazing aptitude.
Any one up for arm wrestling?
Algae offers alternatives to average age.
You are under advisory in this inclement weather.
An adversary is more aware than my aunt is
that animals are ample in this area.
What arena will you attack this afternoon?
Absolute power is an abstract analogy.
When can you find time to aerate the airplane's underbelly?
Grapes and raisins are indigestible by aliens,
but that doesn't seem to stop them.
We are awkwardly aware of the ones watching.
I choose to avoid the conversation completely.
If we were meant to pick up signals we would have been born with antennae.
So, no matter where you find yourself this afternoon,
and if anybody is around your apparition,
always keep in mind:
A penny shaved is a penny learned,
and you can't lose something you didn't find.

Three Wishes

While wandering the walls ,
will wears thin.
Wilting as wildflowers in heated wind.
Winter is a way off.
Why withhold the word-craft?
Wings and wigs
and broken twigs about are strewn.
The witch once woken refused returning.
"Wishes won't buy your freedom."
"Hope won't withstand the warning."
War time prophets and wondering orphans
forebear the worst fear.
Whiplash opens eyes wide
but panic closes them in time.
Your moment has passed
Water through the glass.
Empty hands land
in open wounds at last.

This Morning's Mourning

I did not want that phone call.
I still look at phones with apprehension since.
The clouds were something of a pink.
With orange and red dancing at the edges.
I did not heed the warning that early,
And now he is gone.
We will never see that smile.
We will never hear that laugh.
I don't even know where I was when it happened,
but I mark every moment since his passing.

forgot

I have forgotten something.
I am sure of it.
It's presence still remains
in the confines of recollection
but it's description is a mystery.
That is,
if there is even anything to remember.
Perhaps this feeling is a complete fabrication.
Maybe I did not forget,
but the normality of my forgetfulness
primes me to think I am in a
constant state of forgetting.

Booster Shot

I did not trust you then.
I do not trust you now and
I will never trust again.
The walls came crashing down but you
were safe inside your pen.
The semblance to this life a failing
remnant of the man you never valued.