spread your seed

Sow your seeds in fertile ground
but forget not where you plant them
for healthy fruit, if never found
is worth less then you could grant them

behind

I feel like I am constantly behind this
as if the whole of my existence
is a race for catching up
there is little to goal setting when I live like this
of hero stories I am not the stuff

I will never be accused of being a "Go Getter"
except, it seems
by the force of my own dreams

And here I will remain
pushing my self from behind
and never crossing the line

The Past Never Sleeps

The sweetness of release
would not relieve me.

The beating of the beast
would not reprieve me.

However earnest and complete
you can't believe me.

Despite my honesty I weep
you'll not forgive me.

Sad?

How sad can I pretend to be
before it begins to seem real
before it surpasses an act and consumes me
until the rope pulls taut and snaps me forth from this
mortal coil
I told you so

sightless

I feel these eyes
rolling about in my skull
aimless as they are they still move
turning and adjusting
as if to hold a gaze
but the years of distraction have removed the capability for interest
constant shifting has rendered the pupils dead
without sight I can still tell that yours are the same
as those that came before you
the dead eyes en masse
we enter a sea of bodies that pretend to be steered by the eyes
but it is a herd of blind being led by hunger

Please

would you please
twist these words
at least that would mean you read them
at least that would mean someone's eyes have crossed them
even if you don't understand them
even if you don't care to
just
misuse them
so that they get any use at all

Back tracking

I know this will be unnoticed,
swept up under the weight of the others
despite being reverse engineered nearly months later
but who's to notice
who's to care
such is the life of all who write
whether well or just well intentioned
most lives go unnoticed
even by those that live them

why

When withstanding weakening wishes wins
we will wonder:
"Who weathered wrongfulness?"

Bust and Boom

Such a fleeting thing
changing and unsure
how fickle
yet
how we set it up
hold it so high
upon this shaky ground I build my dreams
and in this basket I hatch all my hope for the future
and to what end
for what way will my will repay
I am hinged by all around me
and the failure is mine
and the success is yours

Original Language

I look into my daughters eyes
and I can see that she is thinking.
I can tell she is downloading information
and the cognition is processing.
But in what way is she doing it?
What is the written language of a mind?
What is the sound of thought
when she thinks about the world?
How does it sound in her minds voice?
Does the mind have a voice before the body does?
Cuz now,
as an adult,
the voice I hear in my head is not unlike the voice I speak.
The language I use is that of my speech
but there was a time when I thought beyond words
at least before them
when I imagined outside language.
We do a lot of work to end that ability
for all the power we give speech
it surely stifling pure imagination
I must funnel my thought through this tiny aperture
I must conform my mind to the trivialities of language
and for what?
to validate my life,
to check my thoughts,
to seek and spread truth,
were I to learn all language
alive and dead
I would still be desperately shy of a way to describe
the thoughts as they originally manifest in  mind.

Word Shortage

There is no shortage of words
for someone who talks a lot
you say very little
I worry about that
I see a sea of words
but I long for the islands of ideas
sure, I will add to it
I spill my drops into the vast
ever expanding is this platform
seemingly void and spaceless
yet able to be formed
is this platform any different than are we?

today

Is it today yet?
I feel like yesterday is still lingering.
I can't remember what day it is,
let alone the date.
Were you here last night?
I lost something, but I am sure I will gain it later.
Is it today?
It feels like we are living in last week,
calling it tomorrow.
When are we?
This mass is enough to effect the time I suppose
and it has pushed me from itself.
Is it today yet?
I am crossing my fingers for tomorrow
but I am pretty sure I missed it.
When are we?

Holden

I wronged you
for certain I regret that
"That" as if it was a single time
as if it was the point of a harmless arrow and not the complete act of stabbing what could have been
If I had ever thought I deserved you
I would have earned the chance
but for the lack of value in my self I muddied the water
you did not deserve the things I gave you
the pain I sent your way was wrong and cold
I thought myself kind and lucky at the time
but the reflective mind is lined with regret
I dream of the other outcome of us
I long to see our future not apart
but In this life
in this world
I have separated myself from that happiness
I volunteered myself to be free of what would be "the good life"
and that is mine to bear
when life is staked upon me
it is that thought the keeps me
"I deserve this"
"I have earned this"
the way I gave you pain
the way I pushed out Holden

sightless

You will never see this
unaware that it exists
and unaware of me
but I am here
as it is here
as you are there
without it.

hopefull

I have little hope for my future
I have accepted that it will be out of my control
I made the choice to make no choice
and I reserve the right to complain
for that is all I feel I have left
my complaints
no choices
no actions
only bitter words
only snide afterthoughts
This is what you have reduced me to
this is what I've done to you