Holden

I wronged you
for certain I regret that
"That" as if it was a single time
as if it was the point of a harmless arrow and not the complete act of stabbing what could have been
If I had ever thought I deserved you
I would have earned the chance
but for the lack of value in my self I muddied the water
you did not deserve the things I gave you
the pain I sent your way was wrong and cold
I thought myself kind and lucky at the time
but the reflective mind is lined with regret
I dream of the other outcome of us
I long to see our future not apart
but In this life
in this world
I have separated myself from that happiness
I volunteered myself to be free of what would be "the good life"
and that is mine to bear
when life is staked upon me
it is that thought the keeps me
"I deserve this"
"I have earned this"
the way I gave you pain
the way I pushed out Holden